I hadn't showered in four days and was getting desperate. So this is what I did:
1) pushed Lily's crib up to the bathroom sink.
2) put BOTH kids inside said crib
3) gave them soap, washclothes, and instructions on how to work the sink.
The bathroom is a watery mess and the carpet will probably never recover and I will probably be dealing with mold/mildew/a variety of other things that are going to kill me.
But I got a shower.