It's official people. The worst air in the entire United States is right here inside my lungs.
It's worse than the air in LA during rush hour. It's worse than the air below the most polluting coal-fired powerplant. It's worse than the air next to Sam's bum when he toots (and he's been doing this a lot lately because he has discovered potty humor and can't stop the hilarity)
The newspeople warned us that it might cause burning eyes, scratching thoats, coughing and that you should keep your children inside and not go jogging.
Hehe. I love how they assume that I'm going to be *jogging.* As if.