Friday, January 29, 2010

Just got back from beautimus Alabama

and I have to say, I'm sort of fond of the state. lilting accents, lots of carbs, pretty hills, all that. the plane I rode in broke down twice. I had to calm down the boy (college aged) next to me because it was his *very first flight* and his mom, who had also never flown before in her life, told him he shouldn't fly because of omens and stuff. I distracted him by getting him to tell me about when the mine company drilled so much marble out of the hill by his house that the land underneath collapsed and half a house (the middle half) fell in the ground. It's OK, though, because they put a tarp over the hole in the roof and plywood over the hole in the living room.

true story.

I heart Alabama.

If you live in Utah and have Comcast and, yanno, an On Demand box

Sam would like you to know that he's on TV. (For a full three seconds at least!) You can see it on "Utah On Demand: Top Picks: Sponge Bob's House."

And on a side note, Sam says, "Mommy, I've been thinking about it and I've decided something: I'm ready to get my first phone."

just FYI

Friday, January 22, 2010

Morning Conversation: I Surrender

[The living room is covered with discarded blankets, various toys, the remnants of someone's clandestine-on-the-carpet-breakfast, and other things that make it vaguely resemble one of those houses on "Hoarders." It has become, quite literally, a war zone.]

me: "Omigoodness, what happened out here?!"

[two kid heads poke up from inside the blanket chest, which is open. they are wearing helmets and grasping onto the edge of the chest like soldiers peeking out of the trenches.]

Sam: "Stay sill Mommy. This is a war."

me: "Um..."

Lily: "And we will defeat you, Mommy."

Sam: "Yup. You're doomed."

me: "Um..."

Lily: "Kids ALWAYS defeat the grownups."

me: "Really?"

Sam: "Yup. We know your weakness."

me: "What is it?"

Sam: "FOOD!!"

me: ?

Lily: "Hey Mommy! [sing songs] "I've got a marshmallow for you..."

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Overheard from the Shower


Sam: "Because love, love, love, love, LOVE, is a wonderful thing! There's kissing and hugging and love is a wonderful thing! Oh, love, love, love, love, love, loooooooovvvvveee!"

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Morning Conversation

[just finished eating breakfast. we're all sitting at the table digesting. Lily's speech sorta comes from nowhere.]

Lily: "This isn't my house."

me: ?

Lily: "Beyond the mountains, far away, is *my* house."

me: ?

Lily: "It looks like Salt Lake, where there are alligators. Ew. And waiting for me in the house are puppies. They're not hatched yet, though. They came in eggs and they're waiting for me to get there so that they can break through the shell."

me: "And what does this house look like?"

Lily: "There are lights on the top."

me: "Like Christmas lights?"

Lily: "Mmm hmm. And it's purple and green, purple and pink."

me: "Good colors."

Lily: "And I have brothers and sisters there. Two brothers."

me: "What are they named?"

Lily: [doesn't even pause to think.] "Zeke and Zed."

me: "What about your sisters?"

Lily: "One is named Hawk and the other is named Leelee."

me: "Oh."

Lily: "And my mom, she's Hot."

me: "Naturally."

Lily: "No, that's her name. Hautte Simpson. And my dad he's named Lyse."

me: "Interesting."

Lily: "I have a big family there. Not like this family. This family is little."

me: "Comparatively speaking."

Lily: "I also have two babies. Hawkzeke and Hawkzekezokes. Hawkzeke doesn't have a tongue, but he eats vegetables. And also baby food."

me: "You can buy baby food jars of vegetables."

Lily: "Yes, but I buy all of his food at a special store on the edge of California."

me: "That's a long way to go for baby food."

Steve: "Well, California is beyond the mountains, too. Maybe her house is close."

Lily: [ignores us.] "I suppose you can come visit me. But I don't have a ding-dong. You're going to have to knock."

Monday, January 04, 2010

Afternoon Conversation: On the origin of style

Sam: "Mommy, do you know what 'pizazz' is?"

me: "You mean, like style?"

Sam: "Sort of like that. But listen: I'll tell you what it is."

me: "Okay."

Sam: "Let's say that you've got two things: a stinky shoe and something cooler, like a stick of cheese." [Sam really loves a good cheese.]

me: "Okay."

Sam: "Now, if you take the spirit of the cheese and put it in the shoe, then there you have it."

me: "Pizazz?"

Sam: "Exactly."

Saturday, January 02, 2010

The awsome thing about having kids who dress themselves

is that sometimes they dress like this:

Morning Conversation: Familial Adjectives

Sam: "You know what you are, Mom? You're wonderful." [stops; then remembers that Steve is right next to him.] "Oh, yeah, and Dad, you're awesome."

Steve: "Those are wonderful and awesome adjectives. Does Lily have an adjective?"

[pause; in which we all cringe at the thought of Sam starting to spout off the various swear words he's picked up from cable TV.]

Sam: "Lily is cute."

[we all are relieved.]

Steve: "She really is cute."

me: "What about you, Sam? What's an adjective to describe you?"

Sam: [no hesitation] "I am COOL. Very, very COOL."

me: "Cool. Nice. This is the sign for cool: watch."

Sam: "Very nice. And this is the sign for LOSER."

Friday, January 01, 2010

In which Sam decides, like a good little American, that notoriety is more important than the risk of embarrassment.

Sam: "There's something that I don't tell people about."

me: "That sounds bad."

Sam: "Well, I don't tell people that I still cuddle at night."

me: "Oh?"

Sam: "Yeah, I think people think that only babies should cuddle at night."

me: "I don't think they think that."

Sam: "They do. Some people my age think that if you cuddle with your mommy you're a baby."

me: "Oh, well, you don't have to tell them then."

Sam: "I know! That's what I said."

me: "Okay."

Sam: "So we agree. No talking about the cuddling."

me: "Sure."

Sam: [pause.][thought.] "You're going to put this on your blog, aren't you."

me: "What if I did?"

Sam: [thinks.] "Well, your blog is going to make me famous... So I guess it's okay."