Friday, September 24, 2010

This picture (of Sam's first day of first grade) prettymuch sums up Sam and Lily's relationship:

Lily: Adoration
Sam: (Reluctant) Toleration

ps: Sam is literally twice as big as Lily. (80 pounds versus 40 pounds.) But they're only two years apart. Crazy, right?

Thursday, September 23, 2010

We told her that in order to have hair like this in real life, she'd have to stop giving herself so many do-it-yourself-cuts.

Lily and her new wig:

It's not unusual for Lily to lock herself in the bathroom.

But when she'd been there for forty five minutes, we were concerned. So Steve knocked.

"Go away!" she said.

Steve knocked again. "Are you OK?" he asked.

No response.

So Steve found the special screwdriver to unlock the door. When he opened it, he found this:

poor kid. we think it was something she ate.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

The thing about being stupid

is that it's really nice.

I've been telling my students this, when I apologize for how stupid I've been lately, and they sort of laugh uncomfortably. That's OK. Students laugh uncomfortably around me all of the time.

But it is really nice to be stupid.

See, I've been on and off pain killers, waiting for my open wounds to close up. Sometimes my wounds are on the edge of getting infected and they hurt a lot so I have to take a lot of pain meds. But sometimes they don't hurt all that bad and I don't have to take a lot of pain meds. I get a lot more done when I'm pain-med free. Because the drugs really do make me stoopid.

But here's what's so nice about being stupid: you never get bored. You stare at the wall (sometimes literally) for an hour or more and you don't really care. You don't think about how you're trapped in bed or of what you should be doing. There's no room in your head for thoughts or anxiety. You're not really happy, but you don't really care because caring requires *thought* and having thoughts requires you not to be stupid. All of the voices in your head--the lines of books you just read that keep spinning around nonstop, the ideas for the story you're working on, the line from your last academic article that needs revision, the mental reminders that your house is a mess and that your children have not done their homework in weeks--all of those voices are gone.

It's quiet in your head.

Just quiet.

I think I read somewhere that there is, like, a linear connection between intelligence and general unhappiness. Having been smart and having been stupid, I think there might be some truth to this.

So the next time you run into someone that's really stupid, instead of getting angry at how stupid they are, or appalled, or determined never to, the next time that happens just remember:

they're probably happier than you'll ever be.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Shameless Promotion of the Literary Ambitions of my Progeny

Sam has written a new Fastboy Story.  Fastboy is a character he created to battle all the evils in the alphabet.  Today's story is about Mr. T.  (We've been on Mr. T for awhile, but he's a particularly evil letter.  I mean, you thought *Mr. M* was bad...)  Check it out.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

I am either not cool or not a girl. Lily won't specify.

me: "Hey, you wrote you name on your arm."

Lily: [Holds up arm and examines it.] "It's not writing. It's a tattoo."

me: "You're going to grow up and get ten thousand tattoos, aren't you. There's nothing I'm going to be able to do to stop it."

Lily: "All cool girls get tattoos."

me: "But I don't have any tattoos."

Lily: [shrugs, sort of glares at me--Lily's default look when she's looking at me.] "Yes, because *COOL GIRLS* get tattoos."

me: "I see."

Tuesday, September 07, 2010

Sam has started a blog.

He says he wants to be awesome. He doesn't need a blog to be awesome, I told him, but he persisted. Here it is.

(Sam says, looking over my shoulder as I type: "Mommy, I can read you know." And write, too. Enough to blog at least.)

Monday, September 06, 2010

I have been schooled.

me: [holding a white skirt]

Sam: "You better just throw that away, Mom."

me: "Why?"

Sam: [like I've asked a very dumb question.] "It's Labor Day."

me: "Yeah?"

Sam: "You can't wear white after Labor Day."

me: "OMG I swear I never taught you that."

Sam: "Doesn't make it not true."

My Mom has given me permission to ask strangers to rub my feet.

Totally true fact.

So how bout it?

Miss Provo still needs help with her part-time modeling career.

Because she wants to model t-shirts and stuff. And yet, needs your votes to get her there. Vote again, will y'all? She lives with me. So we need her happy. Kisses.

Sunday, September 05, 2010