Afternoon Conversation: Statistics Edition

[We're in line to check out at Wal-Mart]

Sam: [looking sideways at a $5 set of Legos] "Mom? How good do you think I've been this trip?"

Me: "How good do you *think* you've been?"

Sam: "Hmm... I'd say I've been about 50% good."

Me: "Not, like, 51% or 52%?"

Sam: "No. Just 50%. But that's divided between two stores."

Me: "I think that might be a skewed sample."

[I bought him the Legos. Just cuz he made me laugh. I'm soft like that.]

Someday making fun of posters at BYU might get old.

Not yet, though.

In order to fully appreciate this poster, you have to remember that the vast majority of BYU students are between the ages of 18 and 23

Morning Conversation: My Prolix and/or Pleonastic Progeny

Lily: "Mommy!"

Sam: "Incoming!!"

[they jump on me in bed]

me: "Oh, hey, babies."

[they snuggle]

Lily: "Aw. I wub you. You, too, Sam."

Sam: "Look at us. All three of us. We're a nefarious trio."

me: "Nefarious trio?!"

Lily: "YEAH!!"

Sam: "Ooo. Can I have that empty bucket?" [he points to said empty bucket. it's the size of a sippy cup.]

me: "You're holding an empty cup. it's, like, the same thing."

Sam: "Yes, but, the cup isn't nearly as *practical.*"

me: "So now you're practical AND nefarious?"

Sam: "Yes."

me: "Well, I can't argue with that." [I hand him the bucket.]

Lessons learned: Don't go to IKEA when you're nine months pregnant.

Because it turns out that the desperate need to go to IKEA? It's called nesting. And a sign that labor is impending.

This is something my sister in law learned yesterday when she went into labor at IKEA, stranded with the only family car, 30 minutes away from the hospital.

But you know what she got at the end?

8 pounds and 14 ounces of this chunk of adorableness:



Best IKEA find EVER.

Is it wrong to be thrilled by your child's geekiness?

Yesterday Sam was walking around the house humming this song. Made me want to smooch him.

Based on the cover and title of this book (and its 400-pagishness), I REALLY didn't want to read it.

But, as it turns out, NOT reading the book would have been a big mistake.

Someone tell me

why does a "Christian" novel = "a novel with a chauvinistic, self-righteous protagonist who gets rewarded for such?"

one of my favorite parts is how he's always all worried about, "OMG, what will I do if I have to go to public school where girls dress immodestly?!" um... you'll get over it, honey. turns out that you have agency and you don't have to have sex with someone just because you see their shoulder.

and here is my favorite quote from the book:

"Dad had often whispered subtle warnings about the allure of pretty females who didn't adhere to his family's beliefs, that they would be willing to deceive to get what they wanted [...] [he said] The key is to discern between the truly deceptive girl and one who is simply unaware of the dangers of spinning webs of lies. The former knows full well what she is doing and seeks to fill her treasure chest with whatever jewels you possess, while the latter needs you to give your pearls of wisdom to her freely so that she may learn the surpassing joy of the children of light, those who love and honor the truth."

Fill my treasure chest with your jewels oh wise one! Because I am just so wicked that you must teach me!

ew.





(Oh, and just to prove how wicked I am, I'm going to show you my shoulder. In all its wicked nakedness. Please try not to have sex with me.)

This book

has the best author pic, like, ever!

Why is it that things with swear words always make me laugh the loudest when I'm at work and then have to explain them to people who hear me laugh?

Which means I have to spell the swear words, which totally destroys the momentum and makes it all less funny?

Here. Read for yourself.

Conversing with Strangers: Home Depot Edition

Random Man at Home Depot (RMHD): "Which of these things do you have?"

Me: "The Senco." [I point to Industrial Speed Screw Gun: Model DS202.]

RMHD: "Do you like it?"

Me: "Yeah. But I just bought it this morning."

RMHD: "But you like it so far?"

Me: "Yeah. Actually, it's kind of fun. A power trip."

RMHD: [smiles] "Well, I guess now you're just going to have to find as many things to screw as you can."

I never thought I'd say this but

I'm getting tired of reading books.

Like this book:


it wasn't a bad book. it was interesting in a lot of ways. it even had this fascinating ad in the back that says something (dunno what) about the projected audience:


still. it took me too long to read.

kind of like this book is taking too long:


it's taking me, like, faEVER.

also this book:


whose advice so far seems to boil down to "just write a better book, dammit."

Did I just swear?

Oh, well. I guess I did. I guess that's how books are starting to make me feel.

I'm just going to post this picture and then not say anything.

My horoscope says I might find myself on a religious pilgrimage today

I'm thinking about going here



for one of these

This book

was sort of horrible... and sort of beautiful... all at the same time.

but I think that was the point.

Why picture book moralizing is (not only annoying but) useless.

Me: "Want me to make you an egg?"

Sam: "An egg?"

Me: "Yeah, an egg."

Sam: [screws up face] "That looks like a white egg."

Me: "It's an egg."

Sam: "Yes, but, I only eat green eggs. Like the book says."

Me: "I think you missed the point of that book."

Sam: "Yes, but, for some reason, the only eggs that taste good to me are green." [Shrug.]


Good thing I'm supermom.

As I was walking out of the BYU library, it occurred to me

that all the fliers on the walls made for a fascinating ethnographic study.

Repeat after me:

Never trust a man who says "Trust Me."

Is it just me?

Or are the lives of super-rich people just NOT that interesting?

Tomorrow is my semi-annual checkup at Huntsman.

It's also the full moon.

If you know me well enough to know why this is so deeply hilarious, this post is my gift to you.

Dang you, George Bush!

Daylight savings isn't supposed to be in MARCH!! We had a hard time remembering it when it was always during conference! How the heck are we supposed to remember it NOW?!

That's all. We're an hour late to church so I have to go.

Morning Conversation

Sam: [watching Scooby Doo] "So... Shaggy has a girlfriend. What was her name again?"

Steve: "uh... Mary Jane?"

Sam: "Oh, right. Mary Jane. Mary Jane is *always* telling Shaggy to eat."

Steve: "Yeah?"

Sam: "I guess that's why he likes her."

Be a man.

In this book



even the girls are men. (just really hot ones.)

Someone in Germany found my blog by searching for "Mr. Tinkle."

which is why sitemeter is just AWESOME.