Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Do crazy fetuses mean bad babies?

I read somewhere that they do. It makes me really depressed because my toddler was a dang hard baby. And this new baby is bruising my guts. She writhes and turns and does flips. She pokes her little butt out so hard and so far that I'm afraid she's going to burst through one of these days. My stomach literally aches. All day. All night. Can a baby kick so hard that you start to bleed internally? This is a question becomming painfully urgent.

Maybe I should have seen it coming. At one of the first ultrasounds my doctor started laughing almost uncontrollably. "I've never seen a baby so young so active," he said. And neither had we. I watched in disturbed awe as she shook her hips and threw her hands over her head like she was doing the Macarena.

One of my friends once was prescribed a half a cup of beer every night to calm down her crazy fetus.

I've never wanted to get drunk so badly in my entire life.

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