Sam: "Hey, Lily, look at my amazing muscles." [flexes]
Lily: "Oh, wow. That is so hot."
Steve: [snorts] "Did she just say, 'that is so hot?'"
me: "Yes. We can call her Paris from now on."
Sam: "So, Lily, if you think my muscles are so awesome, why don't you marry them?"
Lily: "Because... Ew."
me: "You guys are adorable, BTW."
Sam: "Oh, good. That means we're off your list."
Surprises and the first day of school
8 hours ago