me: [working on my dissertation]
Sam: "Why is it taking you so long to finish that thing?"
me: "Because it's a dissertation. People spend *years* working on their dissertations."
Sam: "Well, I think that you should realize that you could *die* working on that thing."
Sam: "I'm serious. I'm just going to get older, and older, and older, and you're going to keep working on it, and eventually... you *will* die."
me: "Thanks for the encouragement."