Last night this not-so-little fellow ran across Steve's chest
There was only a little screaming.
Copious Google searching leads us to believe that he's a "Wolf Spider." He certainly is wolfish.
Turns out he was living in the window air conditioning unit we just brought in from the garage. Note to self: next time, do not ignore the spider webs you saw on the filter. Where there are webs, there might be wolves.