Apparently, I'm embarassing

Miss Provo is working on a reality show knock-off of "The Hills," called, "The Mountains."

So I had her to dinner while they filmed.

"But Kerry," she said, "we had to cut you out of it."

Me: "Why?"

Miss Provo: "Because every single time you opened your mouth, it was totally inappropriate. We can't put that kind of stuff on TV! I'm Miss Provo!"

Things not to say to the Six Foot Tall Bridesmaid who is not only the oldest bridesmaid there but who was forced to wear FOUR inch heels

1) "Well, Kerry! You look like you've finally aged a little bit!"



2) "Who are you? You're, like, HUGE!"



(And no, sadly, I am not wearing nylons. My legs are just THAT WHITE.)

My cell phone went off while I was teaching a class

and I was like, "ugh. that's not professional, is it."

and one of the students looked at me and said, "uh... Kerry. Since *when* have you ever been *professional*?!"

I was inducted into a Secret Society today

I've been at a writing conference this week. Today, the conference hoo-ha's pulled me aside.

"Kerry," they said. "Thanks for letting us read your manuscript and all. We'd like to invite you to be a part of a Secret Society."

"Woo hoo!" I thought. "I must be the best writer, EVER!"

Then they handed me my official membership button:

Call me crazy

I brought a piece of writing to my writing group that was secretly about something I had done in real life. I didn't tell anyone I was the protagonist, though, because I was too embarassed to admit it.

Their response was: "Your protagonist is OBVIOUSLY schizophrenic."

I said, "isn't it possible that, you know, under the right circumstances?, a normal person could do something like that?"

And then this one lady shook her head all disgusted and said, "Oh, honey. She may THINK she's normal but she is NOT normal."

And then everyone in the room started brainstorming about what horrible things could have happened to this person during her childhood that could possibly make her so psycho.

Yeah.