Showing posts with label stuff that is sad. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stuff that is sad. Show all posts
Thursday, July 09, 2009
Research assistants: I miss you.
I only had funding to pay my research assistants for a month and it turns out I'm a wreck without them! My house is a mess, thank you gifts are all over my bedroom floor instead of in the mail, and there's no one to say, "How much have you got done now?" and thus keep me actually working instead of engaging in procrastinative activity. When I'm a millionaire (from all those google ads. I'm up to $1.70!), I'm going to hire all six of you back.
Thursday, April 09, 2009
Things I Hate About YA Literature Today: An Open Letter to YA Authors and Editors
First, a caveat: I've always loved YA literature. Always. Thought it was better than every other kind. More artistic. More solid. Better stories. More fun to Read.
And then I had to read through a random sample of 212 YA books.
And the problem: as statisticians are well aware, you can't really say, "I've read 1000 YA books, so I know something about YA literature," because your 1000 books might consist of a skewed sample. I might have read 1000 books, but if they were all Newbery winning books, or books that my friends raved about, or books that sold a gazillion copies, then they're not representative of YA literature as a whole. You need a *random* sample to say anything about that.
It turns out that what I thought was YA literature was a skewed sample.
Which is depressing.
And necessitates the following rant.
Be warned, as this is a subject I feel so passionately about, I might not be able to keep myself from swearing.
Things I Hate about YA Literature Today:
1) There is a world outside of NYC. And it's not LA.
2) Most kids are not that rich. Nor do they know anyone that rich. Nor do they care.
3) Whining really, really loud about something does NOT make it a conflict. i.e.: "OMG! I can't afford this $3000 Marc Jacobs purse like my friends because my AWFUL MOTHER put a $2000 limit on my credit card!!" = not a conflict.
4) Using more !!!!!'s will not make me more emotionally involved with your story.
5) Speaking of story, just because your book is "edgy" (i.e. everyone is drunk all the time except when they're doing blow and having indiscriminate sex with indiscriminate genders at indiscriminate orgies with lots and lots of indiscriminate boners and indiscriminate F words) doesn't mean you don't need one! Shock = not a story.
6) Speaking of F words, why the &^%$ are so many of your protagonists ungrateful, spoiled, entitled, b*tches and @$$holes who are utterly unlikable? Why would I want to waste my life reading about people who I wouldn't want to hang out with in 1000 years?!
7) And they really drink THAT MUCH?
8) And their parents really DON'T CARE AT ALL?
9) And speaking of unlikable protagonists, just because you made your protagonist exactly like you doesn't mean I'll find them charming. I'll just find you both annoying.
10) And if you wanted to publish a memoir about your youth, why the *&^% didn't you do THAT? Don't call it fiction and force me to wait for the *&&^%ing plot to appear.
11) See, fiction needs to be *believable* but it can't be *real.* Real life doesn't follow the fiction-required elements of story arc: conflict/complication/escalation/climax/resolution.
12) Small towns aren't always horrible. Neither are parents.
13) There are other professions more interesting than: actress, model, fashion designer, writer, heiress.
14) If your book is 500 pages long, then FOR THE LOVE OF LITERATURE SOMETHING BETTER HAPPEN!
15) Please decide which is more important: what you NEED to say, or entertaining your audience. If you chose the first one, stop writing for teenagers and get a blog.
Random samples = TOTALLY DEPRESSING. We can do better than this, people.
And then I had to read through a random sample of 212 YA books.
And the problem: as statisticians are well aware, you can't really say, "I've read 1000 YA books, so I know something about YA literature," because your 1000 books might consist of a skewed sample. I might have read 1000 books, but if they were all Newbery winning books, or books that my friends raved about, or books that sold a gazillion copies, then they're not representative of YA literature as a whole. You need a *random* sample to say anything about that.
It turns out that what I thought was YA literature was a skewed sample.
Which is depressing.
And necessitates the following rant.
Be warned, as this is a subject I feel so passionately about, I might not be able to keep myself from swearing.
Things I Hate about YA Literature Today:
1) There is a world outside of NYC. And it's not LA.
2) Most kids are not that rich. Nor do they know anyone that rich. Nor do they care.
3) Whining really, really loud about something does NOT make it a conflict. i.e.: "OMG! I can't afford this $3000 Marc Jacobs purse like my friends because my AWFUL MOTHER put a $2000 limit on my credit card!!" = not a conflict.
4) Using more !!!!!'s will not make me more emotionally involved with your story.
5) Speaking of story, just because your book is "edgy" (i.e. everyone is drunk all the time except when they're doing blow and having indiscriminate sex with indiscriminate genders at indiscriminate orgies with lots and lots of indiscriminate boners and indiscriminate F words) doesn't mean you don't need one! Shock = not a story.
6) Speaking of F words, why the &^%$ are so many of your protagonists ungrateful, spoiled, entitled, b*tches and @$$holes who are utterly unlikable? Why would I want to waste my life reading about people who I wouldn't want to hang out with in 1000 years?!
7) And they really drink THAT MUCH?
8) And their parents really DON'T CARE AT ALL?
9) And speaking of unlikable protagonists, just because you made your protagonist exactly like you doesn't mean I'll find them charming. I'll just find you both annoying.
10) And if you wanted to publish a memoir about your youth, why the *&^% didn't you do THAT? Don't call it fiction and force me to wait for the *&&^%ing plot to appear.
11) See, fiction needs to be *believable* but it can't be *real.* Real life doesn't follow the fiction-required elements of story arc: conflict/complication/escalation/climax/resolution.
12) Small towns aren't always horrible. Neither are parents.
13) There are other professions more interesting than: actress, model, fashion designer, writer, heiress.
14) If your book is 500 pages long, then FOR THE LOVE OF LITERATURE SOMETHING BETTER HAPPEN!
15) Please decide which is more important: what you NEED to say, or entertaining your audience. If you chose the first one, stop writing for teenagers and get a blog.
Random samples = TOTALLY DEPRESSING. We can do better than this, people.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Evening Conversation
superego (SE): if you don't ban yourself from the computer at night, you won't get those 57 books read by March.
id: me love computer! no!!!
SE: that's it. you're banned. no computer until your novel of the day (and you have to read a whole novel every day; no exceptions) is finished. also no TV.
ego: but House is on tonight! I LOVE House!
id: me love chocolate.
SE: banned!
ego: no!!!
id: no!!!
SE: [prevails]
id: me love computer! no!!!
SE: that's it. you're banned. no computer until your novel of the day (and you have to read a whole novel every day; no exceptions) is finished. also no TV.
ego: but House is on tonight! I LOVE House!
id: me love chocolate.
SE: banned!
ego: no!!!
id: no!!!
SE: [prevails]
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Someday Blogger will decide that I'm allowed to post videos
And you'll be able to really enjoy things, like, the songs students write about commas and then perform on their green guitars.
("Do you believe in commas?" yeah. I do. Blogger doesn't, apparently.)
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Sam keeps telling me how much he misses his "fwiends"
they're in England on a study abroad trip for two months. Sponge Bob just hasn't been the same without them.
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