$100 for best personal essay. Woo hoo! You can find it online here and they're going to publish the essay this spring. Steve's friend from high school just won a freaking Newbury for her book, which kind of makes my little prize look like doggie crap in comparison. But, really, there wouldn't even have been cause for comparison had the two prizes not been given out at roughly the same time. It *does* bother me that she won a Newbury, though. Not because she doesn't deserve it; she does. She's a fabulous writer. It's just that . . . well . . . I think that part of success is believing that something is *possible.* Steve's friend always made me think that it was *possible* that I'd publish a book someday. I mean, she's about my age. She has a baby boy about my son's age. We live in the same part of Utah. We both have a Master's degree. We write the same kind of fiction. She's just like me--only successful. And I always thought the fact that she'd published a book meant that I might publish a book someday, too. But then when she went and won the freaking Newbury, it occurred to me that, no, maybe she's just an anomaly. Because the Newbury . . . that's HUGE. It's more than even really, really, great writer's can aspire to. (It's the YA equivalent of a Pulitzer or something.) But, anyway. Enough about her and her now-fabulous-career. I won a little writing contest and it made me feel really good.
I've been obsessing today about what it means when it says, "seek not after the things of the world." I'm fairly sure it does not mean go out and become a homeless person since the "world" looks upon such things as bad. But if you try to succeed at your job does that mean that you're worldly? It can't. Because otherwise we're a whole church of hypocrites, for one. And for two, all we have to work with on this planet is 24 hours a day and a lot of that goes into your job. If you can't find a way to work a job that is of some service to humankind, then you've kind of wasted a huge opportunity to do the whole heavenly work thing. But then, where does the world end and the heaven bit begin? If I'm doing a good job at my job, presumably I'm more servicable. But then, if I'm doing a good job, don't I get a raise, usually? Don't I usually get more respect from peers? And aren't those "worldly?" Is it possible to do the one without doing the other? They say you can't serve both God and Mammon. But don't you kind of *have* to? Unless I'm wrong about becomming one of those homeless people, that is? Any thoughts?
really, really bad. I was in the car and I had to stop and open the door to puke. But every time I heaved, I peed. And I'm not talking about little tiny squirts, either. I'm talking huge, humiliating, gushes of pee. After about 7 heaves I was done puking, but was completely soaked from the waist down. I hate being pregnant.