Saturday, February 28, 2009

Yeah, yeah. I know I shouldn't be reading books that aren't part of my sample.

But sometimes you have to make exceptions, you know? Like for this book:

which is

1) beautiful
2) written by a friend of mine
3) totally enriched by the fact that *I* make an appearance as a character! As the mini-van driving philosopher of page 248-251. Which is basically the best thing anyone has ever characterized me as prettymuch ever.
4) did I mention that it's beautiful? It is. I stayed up till 1AM reading it because I just had to. And this was no easy feat considering that I'd spent the majority of the day barfing violently. (Can't let a winter go by without the stomach flu, now can I?!)

Anyway. Y'all should buy the book. In fact, you should buy it from Amazon right now!

And now I'll get myself back to those 35 books I've gotta read in the next 20 days...

This book

has 448 pages.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Is it just me?

or is something about this poster just a little creepy?

Dear YA authors:

I just want you to know that I'd really rather you didn't write 500 page books. Don't you know? Because of (really boring) statistics stuff, my book sample has to be *random.* Which means that I have to read your book whether it's 100 pages or 500 pages.

I much prefer the books that are 100 pages.

I realize telling you this now does little good. I realize that telling you this now does not change the fact that I'm supposed to read 36 books in the next 24 days.

But I still thought you should know.



Tuesday, February 24, 2009

This book

is not quite as disturbing as this book.

but I'm still pretty sure I'm going to have nightmares.

My mom's gonna think it's impossible, but

the protagonist of this book

spells worse than I do.

Where 1989 never ends!

Because we're trying to find somewhere to have Sam's birthday party that ISN'T my house, we went to the roller rink.

One word: Surreal.

From the carpet

to the disco lighting

the bad food, the cheesy tweens, the cheesier teens (in costume, of course; including capes!), and even the gritty smell, the only thing that has changed in the last twenty years is that doodles are now allowed to scoot if they can't skate.


Monday, February 23, 2009

Anyone going to be at BYU from 1-2 today and want to make $10?

Totally amazing opportunity, right?! Plus, you'd get to hang out with a face like this:

it's true... there's a minor chance of puking... but details, schmetails. It's $10! ($20 if she pukes on you)

Sunday, February 22, 2009

I'm going to blame the plot; not my own listlessness/loneliness/laziness/etc.

This book

took me three friggin days to read. making me SIX books behind my dissertation schedule.


rant: there is no plot.

rave: the protagonist was so funny that I really did laugh off at least one butt cheek.

rant: but why does every friggin single book I read have to have long, long sections about boners?! If I WANTED to know about erections, then I'd go get a medical book or something! Isn't forcing your readers (likely girls since the book is PINK)to read about boners like forcing boys to read about periods?! (Feel free to discuss.)

Friday, February 20, 2009

So, I'm walking down the halls of the Humanities building when my BFF says, "Hey! There you are!"

And I'm completely confused because I'm right here! How can I be "there?" But I turn around and look anyway and am totally surprised because there I am! Some professor (well, I know which professor *now,* but then I didn't) had put my picture on the wall outside his door.

We decided that what was strange about this was not merely the unexpected nature of seeing yourself on the wall, but the way in which someone can use the picture of you to create a fascinating binary with sociopolitical undertones.

Not sure my mom's gonna like it...

ps: if you didn't get a Valentine from us it's not because we don't love you it's because I don't have your address. if you leave your name & address in the comment section (or just email me if you'd rather be all private) then I'll add you to our Valentine's list!

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Oh, Heaven Help Us

Miss Provo got a national job modeling for this company. Now runways all across America are going to be graced by this:

Wednesday, February 18, 2009


A really big one of these:
Preferably, with a hole underneath whose dimensions accommodate a human of roughly my size. And a path that makes crawling into said hole logistically plausible.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Afternoon... well, you can't quite call it a conversation, can you.

Me: [taking off my coat after picking (2yo)Lily up from preschool]

Lily: [high pitched screech]

Me: [thinking there's a spider somewhere]

Lily: [pushes down her plastic sunglasses with a single finger] I LOVE YOUR OUTFIT, MOMMY!"

Me: "Uh... thanks?"

Lily: "What a GREAT belt!"

Maybe she's somehow been absorbing the last book I read? Cuz otherwise I'm stumped.

I couldn't help myself.

But when the Japanese basketball girls who thought that they were on a reality show started beating up the jewel thiefs who had them at gunpoint, I laughed out loud.

This morning the snow melted

and through my open window I could hear birds chipper chattering away in the branches of the tree next to my house. They sounded utterly jubilant and I dared to think the thought, "Could spring be coming?! Could it come early this year?!" And I skitted around the house cheerfully.

Upon which thought, it started to snow. And the birds became silent. (I don't know where they went.)

And so, this is what I had for lunch:

Friday, February 13, 2009

This book

has absofrigginlutely NOTHING in common with this book. Unless, of course, you were to replace all of the F words, semen references, and drug snorting with !!!. Then they'd have something in common. Because, yeah, this book is totally F'd up.

(Margie Mills! Have you read this book? And if you have, did you find a way to make nightmares stop?! Cuz seriously!)

Thursday, February 12, 2009

This book

will make you think your inner geek is aDORable!

[says my inner Steve voice: "you mean, aDORIEable?"]
[says my inner Kerry voice: groan.]

This book

will make you wonder howtheheck you never noticed that people had so much sex in high school. (cuz you certainly didn't.)

mini rant

whose FRIGGIN idea was it to host a conference in Chicago in FEBRUARY?!

geez. I'm cold.

This book

seems to operate under the assumptions that

1) very hot boys become drum majors


2) girls who become drum majors are suddenly attractive to other drum majors

having actually been both a girl and a drum major, I can say

1) no


2) no

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

From a student paper...

"Einstein's novel, the world as I see it ... lacks an overall plot... There are no characters... [but] before reading this novel, I wasn't aware that Einstein had as many controversial and dynamic thoughts..."

you mean... like the thought that NOT ALL BOOKS ARE NOVELS?!!

Monday, February 09, 2009

This book

will make you want to gather up your computer, cell phone, PDA, any phones with caller ID, your fancy synced watches, and basically anything that might have a microchip, and then put them all in an envelope to send to your worst enemy.

who needs technology anyway, right?

One of my former students, Mr. Tinkle Hinkle, wants me to post these links

(And FYI, it's his own fault that I can't think of him without saying, "Tinkle Tinkle Mr. Hinkle," because he wrote his personal essay about peeing on the elementary school wall. Sometimes when you're seven you just can't make it to the bathroom, you know? My babies can confirm this.)

More name generators!

Lily likes to boss people around

which is how this picture came into being. She barked commands at Grandpa Marty (draw an apple tree! I need a pink purse!) and Grandpa Marty was obedient.

Lily named the picture "Lily and Mommy."

Thursday, February 05, 2009

I'm a little behind with my book reports

which is a bummer because that means that I might have to try to read TWO novels for a few days. not yet, though. maybe next week.

Anyway. Here is today's (VERY BRIEF) book report:

This book:

is VERY deep.

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

The best thing about funerals in Utah

is that the church ladies make you SIX different kinds of jello! you can literally fill your plate up with the stuff!

this one is my favorite. cuz awesome...

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

God keep you, baby

Ryan Charles Terry
January 30, 2009; 8 lbs., 8 oz.

Graveside services will be tomorrow at 1:30, everyone is welcome. Leave a comment if you'd like me to email you with more information about location, etc.