Prayers to the Virgin Mary

We were driving home from California this week and the kids were HORRIBLE. My little girl screamed for 6 hours straight and my little boy was despondent because we left the DVD player at grandpa's house, and also, my back hurt like a mother*&%er. A drive that should have taken 9 hours was taking closer to 16 because of all the stopping we had to do.

Well, on one of our stops we went to a Wal Mart where we walked around all bleary eyed. We had been praying and praying for hours, hoping that things would get better. But they hadn't.

Then on one of the ailes we found a Virgin Mary candle.

I picked up the candle and said, "Well, God, if *you* won't do anything..."

We lit the candle to the Virgin.

The kids fell asleep and slept till home.

Mommy is so proud moment number 687

My two year old's aunt took away his juice box because he was squirting it all over the car and he was pissed. He yelled at her and shook his finger at her. Finally he just held his breath for a second and then yelled, clear as ever, "SH*T!!!!"

And then when we couldn't stop laughing he just said it over and over and over, which wasn't great, either.

I'm not sure who taught him that particular word. Even though I do swear (a little too much) that doesn't happen to be one of my words. Unless I don't know myself as well as I thought. Hmm . . .

My baby girl laughs now

and it's hillarious. She's one of the girliest looking girls I've ever seen. She has these long eyelashes and pink cheecks and a bashful little grin.

But her laugh comes out as this deep-toned, gutteral force of air that sounds vaguely like she's going to puke.

Not girly at ALL.

This is a really disgusting post

Seriously. So if you don't want to be disturbed, stop reading NOW.

I've been having this horrible nightmare. In it, my vagina is stuffed with bug larva. They just keep plopping out in these slimy clumps everywhere I go. They're oozes of spherical bubbles with squirming worms inside. The spheres all stick together and make an awful glurp-glump sound as they plop out.

I think it's rooted in the fact that I call my little kidos "bugs" and that I'm absolutely terrified of getting pregnant again.

So gross.

Somewhere out there is going to be a fabulous wig

I cut off more than a foot of my hair today and donated it. It used to go to my butt. Now it doesn't even go to my shoulders. It's awesome.

Plus I dyed it. Woo hoo! I've never dyed it before in my whole life. It's really blonde now.