Evening Conversation: In Which Lily Makes Us Feel Stupid AND Manages to Induce an Existential Crisis At the Same Time

[we're driving]

Lily: "One."

me: "Huh?"

Lily: "What's it all about?"

me: "One?"

Lily: "Yeah."

me: "I don't get it."

Steve: "Maybe she means 'won' like winning or losing?"

Lily: "That's not what I mean."

me: "So what do you mean? Are we talking existential? Numerical? Numerological? Philosophical?"

Lily: [Looks at me like I'm very stupid indeed.] "I'm talking about the number." [pauses and speaks very slowly.] "One... what that about?"

Steve and I: [fumbling a lot] "Um... it's about present versus absent... totality versus partiality... it exists... but it's alone..."

Lily: [Another condescending stare.] "Yeah, but what really bugs me is the name. I mean... ONE. Who got to name it? It shouldn't even HAVE a name. It's a NUMBER."

Steve and I: [give up and look out the window.]

Monies, Things, and Costumes: An Exegesis on Gender and Developmental Fiscal Philosophy

Lily: "You know what I want? I want monies. I want lots and lots and lots of monies."

Steve: "Well, you know, that's why daddies go to work. They do a job and they get paid."

me: "That's why mommies go to work, too."

Steve: "Oh, yeah. I guess some mommies work, too."

Lily: "I just want monies. I want them SO BAD. I just want to go to the store and buy monies."

me: "Sounds like you should be a stockbroker."

Steve: "Why don't we brainstorm the kinds of things you can do for money when you grow up?"

Lily: "I want LOTS AND LOTS of monies."

Steve: "By the time you grow up, there will probably be lots of jobs in the financial sector [since, yanno, there aren't any now]"

Lily: [grunt.]

me: "Or you could go into Cardiology. You won't have much of a life, but maybe you won't like people anyway and won't want one."

Lily: [grunt] "Maybe I only need ONE money."

Steve: "You could be an artist. They get money every now and then."

me: "And you DO like to draw all over the walls and furniture."

Lily: [thinks] "No, I can't be an artist."

me: "Why not?"

Lily: "Because only boys can be artists. Girls aren't allowed."

me: [inner feminist rage starts to emerge] "Why? Why can't girls be artists, too?"

Lily: [dons didactic tone] "Because, mommy. Boys... well, they get... *things.* Girls... they get... *costumes.*"

Steve: "That's sort of deep."

me: [think: OMG my inner feminist is going to keel over]