Dr. Para-Mili-Lily

Because Steve is hilarious like that, he met with a (female) surgeon yesterday to talk about Lily's future.

Steve: "She needs a lot of regimentation. Is that compatible with being a surgeon?"

Surgeon: "She could be a military surgeon."

Steve: "Yeah, they're never on the front lines!"

Surgeon: "Actually, we've been able to boost survival recently by putting special teams of them on the front lines."

Steve: "Oh. Well, if she was a regular surgeon, would she be, like, the only girl there? Those Gray's Anatomy male-female ratios can't be right, can they?"

Surgeon: [shrugs] "Actually, I think Seattle may be just like that. Maybe the interns don't sleep with the attendings in real life. Or I dunno. Maybe they do. It's Seattle."

Steve: "So you didn't train in Seattle?"

Surgeon: "I was in the South. Only female in the program. For some reason, it seemed like it would be better to do it that way."

Steve: "To help ensure a social life because of all the guys at work?"

Surgeon: "No, there's no time for a social life. Not until you're in your like, mid-thirties."

Steve: "That's OK. Lily probably won't have very good socializing skills anyway. I mean... she's only four. And we like her. But even at four you can tell what someone's talents are. Comprehending the... niceties... of social behavior is probably not Lily's talent." [She may have a future in cutting up bunnies, though! See the Nurse Jackie link two posts ago.]

Surgeon: "I've got a 16 month old. I totally know what you mean."

Steve: "So you had enough time to have a big enough social life to have a baby, at least!"

Surgeon: "Absolutely. Just not until later than normal humans."


Thus, in honor of Lily's future career as a front-lines surgeon, here is her videotape audition for military kindergarten:

Just kidding about the military kindergarten. I don't think they have those. (Do they?)

Like a Hotel... Except With A Camera, A Nineteen Year Old Tech Watching You Sleep, and a Disembodied Voice that Tells You to do Stuff!

I did a sleep study thing last night and it was actually fairly restful! No babies waking me up with potty problems in the middle of the night, no one telling me to go to bed, no one to wake up when I watched TV at 3AM.

oh, and also, I was hooked up to so many wires that I looked like this:


And that doesn't even count the wires on my chest, stomach and legs.

(photo taken with an illegal cell phone, but totally worth the added drama!)(even though the live feed video cameras in the room made it less than a secret...)(so I guess not that much drama after all.)

ps: why is it that doctors can tell you to do so many creepy things and it somehow seems less creepy? (I want to watch you sleep! OK. I'm going to need you to wear this breezy gown. OK. I'm going to jab needles in your arm. OK. Hmm.)

Sam and Lily's Perspective on Quality Health Care:

[we're waiting for the doctor]

Sam: "I have to go to the bathroom."

Lily: "I have to go to the bathroom, too."

me: "I think there's only one bathroom."

Lily: "Wait a second, I'll ask." [muttering in the hallway] "Come on, Sam!"

[they disappear]

[time passes]

[they come back]

Sam: "Wow. That was just really amazing."

Lily: "I know! TWO BATHROOMS! One over here and the other over there!"

Sam: "And Dr. Katie knew where they were! She showed us!"

Lily: [awed] "She is so smart."

Sam: [adoring gaze toward the hallway] "That's why she's a doctor."

My doctor's office left a message on my answering machine telling me I needed to call back urgently because it was "very important"

So, obviously, the husband starts freaking out. Follows a [loose] paraphrase:

husband: "OMG! Are you dying?"
me: "Nah, they're just messing with me."
husband: "Your doctor *messes* with you? Seriously? Maybe it's a brain tumor and you're insane AND dying. Here, you listen."
[I listen to voicemail.]
me: "That was a pretty good poker voice, but I'm still pretty sure they're just messing with me."
husband: "What kind of doctor *messes* with you?!"
me: "The AWESOME kind." (Duh.)

The voicemail was left on Friday, so I couldn't call back 'till today.

Turns out it WAS urgent. VERY, VERY URGENT.

See, the deadline was about to run out for this contest and their whole office had decided that I seriously had a chance of winning. (I totally agree, by the way.)

Alas, the deadline was Friday.

Next year, man. Next year.