my mom: [gets out of the car] "You have to ask them to seat us because you're cuter than me and they'll give us a better seat."
me: "Oh, geez. Whatever."
my mom: "It's true! I've been fat and I've been skinny and people are nicer when you're skinny."
me: "You've always said that, but I've been fat and skinny and people treat me exactly the same. Even horny middle aged men don't treat me any nicer."
my mom: "Well, that's just because of the way you dress."
me: "What's wrong with the way I dress?"
my mom: "Nothing. But no one will hit on you if you dress like that. You should dress like Miss Provo."
me: "But Miss Provo dresses all slutty!"
my mom: "ExACTLy!"
my mom: "See, you dress like you're a mean feminist. It gives off this whole vibe that says, 'Touch me and I'll BREAK YOUR ARM."
me: "What are you TALKING about?!"
my mom: [flinches] "Please don't break my arm."
Surprises and the first day of school
20 hours ago