Tuesday, November 30, 2010

I think that the videos they make me are my favorite

Things people will do to switch around the genres of their Great Works papers:

(I think the kid in the blond wig with the cane is supposed to be me. My cane is way hawter than that one, though.)

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Newsflash: BYU Students are a Little Sheltered

[it's classtime.  one of my students is reading his paper on why we should buy his maraca-made-of-a-sprite-can on ebay.]

boy's paper: "if you buy this maraca, you won't even need heroin to be a rockstar! you'll just need to shake your can a bit."

girl in class: "wait. I don't understand. why do you need girls to be rockstars?"

[if this doesn't make sense to you yet, consider: heroin vs. heroine. yeah.]

Friday, November 12, 2010

Morning Discovery: The Power of Johnny Test (and also, a little burgeoning chauvinism)

me: [stumble into the living room after waking up bleary eyed. try to sit down on the couch. step in something. something wet. look down. see this:]

me: "OMG, did I just step in pee?"

Sam: "Yup."


Sam: [shrugs] "Lily."

me: "OMG, why is Lily peeing on the carpet."

Sam: "Well, we were watching Johnny Test and Lily didn't want to leave to go to the bathroom. So she got out her little toilet. But there was a problem."

me: "And the pee spilled all over the carpet?!"

Sam: "Yup."

me: "OMG, gross, gross, gross, gross!" [get up and go get the stuff to clean it up. start cleaning.]

Sam: [watching me scrub the carpet] "You know what, Mom? This. Right now. You are doing the hardest job a woman could ever do."

me: "What about a man?"

Sam: "Naw. A man could take it."

Monday, November 08, 2010

What Sam said to his Auntie Barb about being old:

"I have this one cousin who's REALLY old. You know how old she is? She's so old that she was born in the NINETEENS!"

Happy birthday to both Barb and "old" cousin Katelyn. We like you even though you were both born in the nineteens.

For the pee cream enthusiasts:

I'm out of pee cream. But here's a place that sells it for less than Amazon does. And also, they confirmed that product number 7567 *is* the same as 7566. So you can buy a big tube if you want. Hugs.

Things students will do for paper extensions:

pretend to be superman's girlfriend for a day.

complete with stolen cape:

Thursday, November 04, 2010

Penicillin: Even More of a Miracle-Drug Than You Thought

Lily has been sick. Not in the good 'sic!' kind of way, even. In the strep-throat kind of way. She would wake up screaming seventeen times a night and when we took her to the doctor, she fell asleep on the floor and didn't even wake up when I transferred her to the doctor's table to be examined. I'm sure we would have heard all about how sick she was (she does not believe in suffering in silence) but her throat hurt so bad that, after a few final screams, she stopped making any sound at all.

It got really quiet here.

Fastforward to the Penicillin. We gave it to her right when we got home from the doctor, she took it and went to bed. In the morning, she woke up. I gave her a dose. She watched mindless TV. She was still not talking.

But then about an hour after the dose, a very strange thing happened.

Lily got up, out of bed. She walked straight into the living room.

And she started cleaning.

I asked her, "What are you doing?"

She didn't answer. Just pointed to her throat.

She picked up the toys. She put laundry in the laundry basket. She gathered all of the trash together and threw it away. She organized the Halloween candy and crawled around looking for stray wrappers and candy corn. She took dishes to the sink. Did a little dusting.

I stood there. So. Confused.

And then she walked back toward her room and I thought she was done, but she wasn't. A few seconds later, she came back--dragging the big, fat, taller-than-she-is vacuum. She unwound the cord. She plugged it in. She turned it on.

And vacuumed the whole room.

I totally want to give her penicillin every day now.

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

Am I going crazy?

or has blogger done something very weird with all my images?

I'm coming off a lot of meds, so I could be wrong.

ps: I'm starting to feel better. Knock on wood and stuff.

pps: Okay, just to weird me out as SOON as I posted this, they were FIXED. But I swear they were weird and messed up. I haven't even taken my morning medicine yet.