In Which I Am Cited BY the HYGIENE POLICE

Sam: "Mommy, I think you might be the dirtiest Mommy in the entire world."

me: "I really don't think so. I'm sure there's a meth-head somewhere dirtier than I am."

Sam: "No, this is serious. You are a dirty Mommy."

me: "Okay, so what are you getting at with this whole 'dirty' thing? Do you mean that our house is a mess? Because, yeah, it's a little messy, but it has been WAY worse."

Sam: "No, no. I'm talking about *you.*"

me: "Me?!"

Sam: "It's an odor thing. I can SEE the odor coming off of you. And I do not enjoy it."

me: "Ummm..."

Sam: "When was the last time you showered?"

me: "..."

Sam: "Nevermind, nevermind, I don't want to know. I just want you to know that if you don't go get in the bath right NOW I am going to give you a wedgie. A really big one."

me: "Alrighty then. I guess I'm taking a bath now."

Sam: "Great. But could you light a match first? Your odor has made this air unbreathable."



ps: I really do bathe frequently. I think Sam was just trying to goad me. For unknown reasons, probably nefarious. Only time will tell...