Morning Conversation: Channeling Trinny and Suzanna

Lily: "Mommy, I need to talk to you."

Me: "What do you need to talk to me about?"

Lily: "Your boobs."

Me: "My boobs?"

Lily: "They're falling."

Me: "Um..."

Lily: "Why are they falling?"

Me: "Um... because I had babies?"

Lily: "When I grow up, will my boobs fall, too?"

Me: "Probably."

Lily: [Despair-laden-sigh][Then reaches over and grabs one of my boobs] "We just need to figure out how to make.them.stay.UP!!"

Me: "Maybe a better bra?"

Lily: "SOMEthing."

Morning Conversation

Sam: "Mommy, why do you call me your baby?"

me: "Because mommies always think their kids are their babies."

Sam: "But I'm not really a baby, so you shouldn't call me that."

me: "Oh."

Sam: "See, I'm practically a *man.*"

me: "practically."

Sam: "So, not a baby. Okay?"

me: "k."

Afternoon Conversation

Sam: "Mommy, did you know that I'm a genius?"

Me: "Yes! You are a very smart boy!"

Sam: "Because it's true. I'm a genius."

Me: "For sure."

Sam: "But when I'm at school, I have to *pretend* like I'm NOT a genius."

Me: "Why on earth would you have to do that?"

Sam: "Well, because when you're a genius, no one wants to play with you."

Me: "Oh, I see."

Drugged babies are hilarious

they are

1) confessional. ie: "Mommy, Taylor and I are getting married." Mommy: "who's Taylor?!" Sam: "She's from my school. She loves me. Almost as much as Trixie." Mommy: "Trixie?!:

2) delusional. ie: "Did you know that my legs are broken? The doctor broke them. I guess I'll just have to race wheelchairs."

3) hallucinatory. ie: "Mommy! Buzz is talking to me! He's really talking! Can you hear him?!" (I couldn't.)



And, yes, Buzz is wearing surgical gear. The nurse put it on him, right before they pulled Sam away in a wagon/bed. All pretty awesome.

Sam's doing well, BTW. He's watching TV and is overwhelmed by all the drink choices we put on his bedside tray. ("There's too many," he says. "I can't decide.") The nurses said he's pretty much the only baby they've ever seen who hasn't cried even once. (We'll see how long that lasts...)

Mama's little baby is growing up

Lily told her first poop joke today.



We're so proud.

Sometimes I talk to my kids in Spanish. (Okay, okay. Mostly I just *yell* at them in Spanish.)

So, Sam was dawdling. (what?! Sam?! heh.) We were trying to get back to our car, but he wouldn't keep up with us. He would stop at look at a flower. Wander to the left. Wander to the right. Look around. Shuffle his feet. Etc.

So, Steve turns around and yells: "Vamanos, Sam. Ahorita. VAMANOS."

Sam halts, frowns in confusion and says (half dreamily; half exhaustedly): "But, *Daddies* don't say 'Vamanos!'"

It made me laugh.

Sam's Art of the Day

He calls it: "The Man With Long Hair."

Sam has come up with the solution to overpopulation

Sam has five aunties. (Kate, Miss Provo, Michelle, Barb, and Cat.) Only one of these aunties has any kids of her own and Sam, frankly, likes the auntieriffic attention. Today Sam and I were discussing the fact that someday his aunties might actually want to have babies of their own, like Auntie Kate.

Says Sam: "But Mommy, can't you tell them?" [he looked distressed AND sincere as he said this] "They don't need to have their *own* babies."

Me: "Why not?"

Sam: "Because, Mommy. Instead of them having their own babies, we can just give them *Lily.*"

Some girls look pretty good in four inch heels, though

Geez I have a pretty kid

Holy Crap my baby is a GENIUS!!

Scene: We're all sitting around a picnic table in the woods. Lily is bored because there is no television in the forest and without a television, she can't watch Barney. So, she comes and sits on my lap (only EXTREME boredom could possibly drive her to seek physical contact) and watches me write people's names on a paper plate. After a bit, she starts suggesting people for me to write. Then she gets bored with me writing and grabs the pen out of my hand.

I figure she'll scribble for awhile, since that's what babies do. I start to engage in grown up conversation. Something very mature like who passes gas more often at night or who thinks that hiking naked is a super fun idea.

After a minute, though, I look down at the paper plate and see that Lily has written this:




Now, I'm not hallucinating, right? My itty-bitty can-hardly-talk 26-month-old baby did just create a readable likeness of her own name, right? Without me ever really teaching her how or drilling her with flashcards the way my parents did when I was a baby?!



Oh my goodness, the kid might just be able to make good on her plans for world domination!! Be AFRAID!

Morning Conversation

me: Hey, there, honey, how did you sleep?
4yo: not good, mommy. not. good.
me: Why?
4yo: another bad dream, mommy.
me: oh no! tell me about it!
4yo: well, there was Elmo.
me: Elmo?!
4yo: yes.
me: what was he doing?
4yo: he was *reading* to me, mommy. *reading.*
me: READING?
4yo: yes, mommy. *reading.*

Oh, beautiful day

This kiddo shocked us all by asking to go pottie in the toilet and then DOING IT!!

Not to compare my kid to Jesus or anything, but...

Sam ran away from me yesterday. Like, really *ran.* He jumped a fence and ran into the golf course behind his grandparent's house. He ran and ran and ran. (He wasn't mad; he said he just wanted to run.) I tried to follow him, but he was really, really fast.

He ran for about a mile. (The kid is four years old!)

When I finally caught him (and called Steve to come pick us up), I didn't know whether to be mad at him for not listening to me when I told him not to run away or to be sincerely *impressed* at his obviously abundant running talent.

Kinda like Mary musta felt when Jesus ran away to go preach to people, I think.

Sam's Latest Prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father,

thank you for my mommy and daddy and grandma and grandpa and my otherone grandma and otherone grandpa.[note he doesn't mention his sister]

help me be good and sleep good.

help me be helpful.

and thank you so much for my powers.

Jesus, AMEN.

Lily and me

We've found Lily's spirit animal