Lily's Psyche: In which Santa is a creeper who not only stalks small children, but steals their toys.

Scene: the Target Toy Aisle, where we are surrounded by a throng of frazzled parents who resort to jumping over Lily when she throws herself onto the ground on top of the doll that she has decided she needs.

me: "Lily, you need to come over here or I'm going to pick you up and take you to the car on timeout."

Lily: "No! I can't leave without this doll!"

me: "Lily, honey, here's the thing. Christmas is only, like, three days away. There's a really good chance that Santa already has this doll. Or that he's planning on buying it. But if you're naughty, well, you know how that song goes, right? Santa's gonna know."

Lily: "What kind of a man IS that guy?"

me: "One who's gonna know if you don't get up off the floor."

Lily: "Noo! Santa isn't going to get this doll, it's mine!"

me: "Huh?"

Lily: "What is HE going to do with MY TOY? He's OLD. He doesn't NEED MY STUFF."

me: "Huh?"

Lily: "He has plenty of toys. He's not going to have the ones that are MINE!" [Clutches harder at the doll.]

me: "I'm not sure you understand how this works."

Lily: "Santa's not going to get it from me! I won't let go of it!"