Monday, December 31, 2007

Saturday, December 29, 2007

Signs of Aging

I'm working on a re-write of a story right now.

In response to original scene in which protagonist runs about town trying to find out what someting means, agent says the following to me: "So, uh, why wouldn't she just *Google* this?!"

duoh.

Because I am so very, very, very old now that it didn't even occur to me.

*I* didn't have Google when I was 16. So why should *she*?!

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Congratulations to the Highly Effective Cartoon Network Marketing Department!

We were driving around and looking at Christmas lights, but Sam was being a bit Scroogish and just wanted to go home.

Me: "We can't go home, Sam! We're having a Merry Christmas time!"

Sam: [disdainful voice] "Not every day is a Merry Christmas day, Mommy."

Me: "Really? When *is* it a Merry Christmas day, then?"

Sam: "It's only Christmastime when the Cartoon Network says it is, Mommy."

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

"Well, the other day we showered together,"

As I was walking away from the testing center, someone on a cell phone said that.

Anyone have any good ideas about the probable context of said quote? (Remember, this was at BYU...)

stuff students will do for extensions



They will fake Ron Paul's Southern accent and give impassioned speeches about why we should all drink unpasteurized milk.

stuff students will do for extensions

Forget the whole war in Iraq thing

what really ticked me off was that Georgie's energy bill today did NOT renew the PTC's that keep windmill farms afloat.

Dude's on my *list* now.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Of course

Me: "Oh, Sam, I think you are *handsome.*"

Sam: "Oh, no, Mommy. I not handsome."

Me: "You're not?"

Sam: "No, Mommy. I am VERY handsome."

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Sam hearts Mitt Romney

We were watching Mitt's religion speech on TV the other night when Sam asked,

"What are you *watching*?"

We said, "We're watching Mitt. He's talking about how he's Mormon like us! Isn't that great?"

Sam gave me his dirtiest look. "It's NOT great, Mommy."

"Uh," I said. "okay."

But then he broke into this huge grin and yelled, "It's AWESOME!!!!"

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

One of BYU's kinda warped traditions

is to get engaged at the end of the semester.

so far, I think I have five engaged students. I would have had six, but one of them said no.

Here's a picture of one proposal scene (he sent me a copy; still not quite sure why):



(ps: most of my students are 18, remember. friggin *18.*)

stuff students do for paper extentions



They dress up like Pippi Longstocking.

Stuff students do for paper extentions



They wear foil on their teeth for a full day.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

I have a video, but I just can't get it to post!!!

students are also willing to dance around wearing a crown and singing "I'm a Barbie Girl."

the video is priceless, alas. :-(

Stuff students are *willing* to do for an extension on a paper

Just got this proposal emailed to me. In exchange for turning in a paper late, this student is willing to let me chose one item from the list for them to do:


Walk around all day with a pen mark on my face
Sing “Popular” for class with cookies
Talk in pig-Latin all day—even though I don’t know how
Pretend to pick some gum out of a random girl’s hair
Wear a Harry Potter scar on my forehead
Read my most embarrassing journal entry (about boogers) to the class (with cookies)
Actually be to class on time---in one of your classes next semester. (Then you would say, “Good job, N****! But, sadly, you got the wrong semester.” Then I would say, “Darn!”)
Pinch some random guy’s cheek and say, “oh! How precious are you?!”
Talk in a fake accent the entire day
Wear a totally mis-matching outfit on day
Stalk someone
Write on people’s arms that sit by me, “I love you”
Go on a blind date with a guy of your choice
Block the door of a building and make people “say the magic word” to go in
Do a cartwheel while screaming on the grass during passing time
Throw a snowball at a hot guy and apologize by giving him my phone number
Buy you a Christmas present
Eat some grass
Do a Gollum impersonation (with cookies, of course)
Speak in opera tones
Dye my hair a weird color
Actually buy presents for my family this year
Wear a toga to school
Wake my roommates up in the middle of the night (and record it) by screaming, “The snails have got me! The snails have got me!” (this would be so embarressing...)
Put snow down someone’s shirt and run off screaming, “you’ve been hit by the psycho penguin!
Wear a tutu to school
Abstain from using a really common word for a whole day…and if I use it I must squawk like a chicken
Quote “The Princess Bride” for the class (with cookies, of course)
Act crazy (er)
Play “Mary had a little lamb” five times in a row in the Wilk eating area REALLY LOUD AND OBNOXIOUS
Start a protest against boring teachers
Write a letter to your boss describing how wonderful you are
Smile all day with spinach in my teeth
Work at Taco Bell and address at least three people as “my cutie pie”
Eat nothing for a whole day
Imitate someone in the class and have everyone guess who it is
Act out a scene from a book everyone knows…
Wear flip-flops in the snow and when people exclaim at me how weird I am just reply, “My feet get too hot during the winter.”
Get a wheelchair, go to the mall with a friend, and be the retarded sister who is abused. (This is from personal experience.)
Wear a prom dress to school
Wear a toilet paper turban for the duration of the class
Try to get my middle splits down by next Wednesday and record my progress in inches.
Drink a liter of something during class
Teach the class my favorite song “The Mysterious Ticking Noise” (with cookies, of course)
Give out medals to random people for being “worst dressed”
Go on a blind date and pretend to be “deaf” and record my experience :P
Jump off the high dive in swimming and scream: “Aphrodite!” on the way down
Wrap up all my chewed pens and give to someone as a Christmas present
Sing “I’m a little Teapot” while going to the bathroom in a public restroom
Play truth or dare with the class…two truths and two dares.
Do a death scene
Hop around the room yelling the names of the seven dwarfs
Make a phone call to someone’s mother and tell her that her son/daughter needs one hundred dollars
Sing everything I want to say
Quote Monty Python (with cookies, of course!)
Think of five words that rhyme with my name and make them into a poem
Give the heaviest person in the class a piggy back ride
Yodel and dance around for 30 seconds
Do thirty push-ups as if I’m in the army (with cookies for the class, too!)
Lick my foot…for some reason
Give you two cookies and a back massage during class
For a minute, sing improvised opera about a subject of your choosing
Tell everyone who my first kiss was (this is actually a REAL cause for embarrassment and no one else has a story as weird as this…) with cookies!
Lick the floor?
Kiss someone on the cheek
Play “Baby if you love me…” with the class
Answer all questions in class as if I were a character out of a book or movie (the class decides which character)

Sunday, December 09, 2007

Well, I guess that changes the perspective

I was feeling particularly moody and/or crappy and/or down on myself this morning. So, I did what I normally do when feeling particulary moody and/or crappy and/or down on myself: I started playing the piano. I'm not super great at the piano, but I like to play it. I make up songs and play songs I like and somehow by the end, I usually feel better.

Well, today I was playing and it just wasn't helping. "Listen to this drivel you're playing, Kerry," thought I. "You're a stupid hack who obviously can't write music and obviously *anything* you try to write is going to be crappy. I mean, seriously! Listen to that melody line!"

Full stop.

I listen to the melody line.

And suddenly I realize that I haven't been playing something that *I* wrote.

I've been playing Dvorak.

Dvorak.

Like, one of the greatest composers of the 19th century.

Yeah.

(You can hear the BYU men's chorus sing what I was playing here.)

Friday, December 07, 2007

The epic battle: Falcon versus Bob

One of assignments in class is to write an unbiased informative research paper on something that "freaks you out" and to then post the paper on Wikipedia for the world to see. (That way, if you really *are* biased, *everyone* can tell you about it.)

One of my favorite students, an adorable boy named Bob, wrote his paper on Sanguinarians--or, the type of self-described vampire who actually drinks blood.

Well, when he posted his paper, some dude named Falcon took it down in, like, five minutes! So he posted it again. So it came down again. So he posted it again. etc.

Apparently, "Falcon" is a vampire who has deemed himself keeper of the Vampire Wiki page.

I'm excited to see who'll win!

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Roid Rage

Sam got prescribed these steroids for his asthma and they've turned him into a crazy little ADHD kid who can't stop running around or talking. He talks constantly. And when he doesn't talk, he sings. It'll be three in the morning and he'll be standing all red-eyed at my bed talking seventeen thousand words a minute. And then he'll break into song. And then he'll run around. While singing. I asked him, "do you just have a lot of energy, or are you hopped up on drugs?" And he said all maniacal, "I'm hupped un drugs, mommy."

I haven't slept all week.

I can't take much more of this, people.

Monday, December 03, 2007

explains a lot, huh

just heard on the radio this morning that Utah is officially the "most depressed" state in the US.

I hear they're thinking of putting Prozac in the water, along with Fluoride.

Sunday, December 02, 2007

Saturday, December 01, 2007

Eight years ago today...

I walked into a room where Steve was sitting, waiting for his Rhodes Scholarship interview, and thought to myself, "Huh. That kid is in my *family* somehow... but... which part?" Then because I was all hyped up from having just finished *my* interview, I sat down and said [talking about 1000 miles a minute], "Hi, my name is Kerry. Let me tell you about my preferences for food flavored in basil, math text books written in a sans serif font, and the last conversation I had with my mother..." [that was a paraphrase...but pretty close. :-)]

Now we're all married and stuff and really *are* family. Yay for nerves that make me blabbermouthy!