Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Sometimes God answers prayers in not-so-subtle ways

About six years ago I was sitting in Relief Society at church and I was just *done* with it. The lady talking had the most annoying high-pitched Relief Society voice you can imagine and she was saying all sorts of horrible judgemental things designed to make me feel as guilty as possible. I tried staring at the chandelier, tried using my wedding ring as a reflective surface to see what I could see behind me, tried even saying the alphabet to myself. But when it came time for the closing prayer, all distraction-techniques failed me and I had to listen. Oh, horror. The lady giving the prayer was quite possibly the most self-righteous person on the planet and the Rameumpton-like speech she gave in her self-important low-toned voice put me over the edge.

I plugged my ears. Decided I would say my own prayer. And--through my gritted teeth and rage-tears--decided that I would give God an ultimatum.

"God," I said. (Saying God instead of Heavenly Father was sorta part of the ultimatum, I think. I felt like it just barely borded on blasphemy.) "You have approximately 60 seconds to give me a *&^%$# good reason not to just turn my back on all of these mean old b*&^%es because I swear, I will *leave* this church."

When everyone else got up, I did, too. And we all filed directly into Sacrament Meeting. I found my husband, sat down next to him. Noted that God's 60 seconds were just about up and contemplated leaving immediately instead of having to sit through sacrament meeting.

But just then, Gordon B. Hinckley walked through the front door.

Now, the prophet casually strolling into Sacrament Meeting is sort of akin to the Pope just happening to stop by your neighborhood parish: shocking. It does. not. happen. Steve and I gave each other the WTH? look.

Of course, they asked him to say something to us. (Poor Gordon never got to just *go* to sacrament meeting, I bet.) He hobbled up to the podium, surveyed us all and said with an atypical frown, "Now, I know a lot of you. And you know what I know about you? You're kind of mean. You're kind of self-righteous. For heaven's sake, you need to learn how to be a litte kinder. A little more like Christ. Try treating everyone like a neighbor for once."

I think I might have started an all out weep-fest.

"That'll work, God," I said.

Thanks, Gordon, for being a prophet I was so proud of.
(Gordon B. Hinckley: 1910-2008)

Friday, January 25, 2008

The most important question you should consider when deciding who to vote for is:

who's got the best hair?

things that are a bad idea

1) licking your toenail clippers
2) drinking unpasteurized milk
3) going to teach a class when you are so full of rage that you can't stop yourself from ranting about stuff that has almost nothing to do with writing for a full 30 minutes of the 50 minute class managing to prettymuch shock the bejeebies out of your poor wide-eyed idealistic students, who are only 18 afterall and don't really need to hear about the varying degrees of hate rhetoric among religious groups, the inanity of being afraid of plastic, the logical problems associated with axiomatic thinking and atheism, pagan god pantheons as they relate to vampirism and transubstantiaion, or the horrors of breastfeeding in a puritanistic culture that finds such behaviors perverted.


poor students.

Serious jitters going on

my hands are shaking like crazy.

here's why: this morning I grabbed some cold medicine off the counter and took it and then left to drive to work. Halfway through the drive, I started feeling really, really, really sleepy. So I panicked because did I accidentally take night time cold medicine? It seemed very likely. So I got off the freeway and went to Sonic to get the biggest hugest caffenated drink they had so that I could drive to work without crashing the car. I also took a dose of Excedrin.

Well, I made it to work and called my husband. The cold medicine was not night time afterall. I was just sleepy because my almost-two-year old still won't sleep through the night.

But all that caffeine!

Not my best morning ever, people.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

happy birthday to me!

Here were the first words I ever heard: (the doctor recited them as I was being born)

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.
"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"

ps: many thanks to my delightful husband for making my birthday rock!

Friday, January 11, 2008

Kristin came up with a deeply good reason to vote for Huckabee

"Um but Kerry!!" she says, "Huckabee has Chuck Norris' Support... don't you know that Chuck Norris doesn't do push ups, he pushes the world down. And he's not afraid of the dark, the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris. And there's no such thing as evolution, only the animals Chuck Norris allows to live. And it's not a chin behind Chuck Norris' beard , it's another fist. Don't you get it Kerry, if Chuck Norris Supports Huckabee you should too!"

I stand corrected.

Third post of the day!

Just because I can type now and I *can.* Yay for the new brace!

A Vote for Huckabee is a Vote for Hillary

gonna get political for a second. watched the NH primary for, like, six hours the other day--RIVETING, by the way--and now I can't stop myself.

Apparently, there's a lot of assumption that Huckabee is going to win most of the South because they like that he's an Evangelical Christian.

But let's think about this, people.

Bush:associated with the evangelicals? I'd say so. Especially after appointing Mr. Roberts head of the Supreme Court.

Bush: liked? Uh, not so much.

You nominate someone purely based on the fact that they're Evangelical--i.e. very, very, very socially conservative--I think you're going to turn off, like, ALL of the independent voters who are friggin sick of it. John McCain winning the NH primary should prove that.

Don't do it, people. Just don't do it.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

I can type again!!

My huge old whompus of an arm cast thingy has now been replaced with this much more managable (and typable!) brace!

Yay for being able to be wordy!!!

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

look how big sam is getting!

a lot bigger than he is in that picture to the right for sure!

coming back soon!!

The thingy comes off tomorrow, if all goes well. then i'll be able to type again and not just peck like a chicken.