Sam: On Kickin' it Old School

me: "What are your plans today, kiddo?"

Sam: "I think it feels like an Old School kind of day."

me: "Old School?"

Sam: "Yup."

me: "What does an Old School Day entail?"

Sam: "It means giving up the computer, the DS, and even the iPad. What it really means is to go back--back to what people used to do before they had those things."

me: "And what's that?"

Sam: "Watching television."

Afternoon Conversation

me: "Sam. Why aren't you wearing a shirt."

Sam: "Because, Mommy. It was a really rockin' party."

In Which Lily Considers the Nuances of Human Relationships

me: "Lily! How was your first day back at preschool [after your two week long kids-only vacation to CA]?"

Lily: "It was good."

me: "Did your friends miss you?"

Lily: "They did. They asked me, 'Lily! Where have you been?'"

me: "What did you say?"

Lily: "I said, 'I was in California you idiots.'"

me: "Excuse me?"

Lily, "I said, 'I was in California. You. Idiots.'"

me: "Well that's not very nice."

Lily: "Yeah. They didn't like it, either. Novalee decided not to be my friend for the day and Trey thought of kicking me in the face."

me: "Yeah, people don't really like to be called idiots."

Lily: "Thanks. I found that out already."

Evening Conversation: Sam Has a Recession-Proof Plan

sam: "Mommy, you think I'm cute, right?"

me: "You ARE cute."

sam: "I'm thinking I can use my cuteness."

me: "Use it?"

sam: "Yeah. For money."

me: "You're going to use your cuteness for money."

sam: "I think all I need is a sign: 'see cuteness for $1!' People will definitely pay to see me."

me: "You think?"

sam: "Don't worry. I'll give you some of the money, Mommy. If you need it. If you don't, I'll just keep it."

me: "Okay. I'll let you know."

It's the Kamikaze Chipmunk!

my dad found this picture after a recent download. it's the KC sitting with its mocking little stare at the top of the cabin. friggin little rodent.

Some Cuties

Lily Posing Like a California Girl

Medical Pictures Alert!

Hopefully you looked away if wounds and such make you squeamish.

Here is one of my surgery scars. (I have five or six.) It is NOT my new moon. Gross. I'm totally not going to show you that part. It IS where they GOT the skin for the new moon. It looks more painful than it is, too. They just took away a little of my extra skin there. So it's basically just a long scratch. Which is a lot better than my other wounds. But I'm not going to talk about those because again... Gross.

I knew there was a reason I love the HBLL...

The nurses at the hospital said that things have been slow because people don't get surgery in a recession

which makes me wonder:




I'm finally home, BTW. Took a little longer than anticipated to do the recovery thing.

I get to walk with a supercool walker for a few weeks. I got a purty one with flowers. It's HAWT.

thanks for all your thoughts, y'all.

In which the phrase "NEW MOON" takes on a whole fun new meaning!

going in tomorrow morning to have some skin grafting surgery.

this is my way of apologizing ahead of time for the fact that I will write my next post while stoned.



ps: the fact that there happened to be a new moon solar eclipse this afternoon? awesome.

In our family, we love the crazies

the 2nd man from the left is my great grandfather: hard at work in the Provo mental hospital.

What I found in the bathroom this morning:

Best.Exhibit.Ever.

Place: JSMB Family History Center
Title: You Can Learn about Your Family from DEATH RECORDS!
Activity: Make a Rubbing of Grandma's Gravestone!
Likelihood that your children will have nightmares: moderate.

Evening Conversation

Lily: "So, um, what are we doing?"

Miss Provo: "We're going out to dinner."

Lily: [says nothing.]

Miss Provo: "Do you know *why* we're going out to dinner?"

Sam: "I know, I know. Because of Mommy's thing."

me: "That's *DR.* Mommy, remember?"

Sam: [grunt and/or breathed laugh. hard to specify.]

Lily: "So, when are you going to get your doctor outfit?"

me: "Huh, what?"

Lily: "You know. Like a coat or something?"

Miss Provo: "I think you're talking about medical doctors. Your Mom is a philosophy doctor." [insert long discussion about the various titling methods for advanced degrees.]

[awkward pause.]

Lily: "So, uh, what are we doing again?"

That's *DR* Mommy to you!

Passed my dissertation defense this morning.

Thanks to all of you who helped along the way!

(they were really impressed that I had 36 research assistants, and even more impressed that I hadn't even met all of you, and then even more impressed that y'all just volunteered your time out of the bloggy goodness of your hearts. so, really, thanks! xok)

(ps: woot!)

Like a Hotel... Except With A Camera, A Nineteen Year Old Tech Watching You Sleep, and a Disembodied Voice that Tells You to do Stuff!

I did a sleep study thing last night and it was actually fairly restful! No babies waking me up with potty problems in the middle of the night, no one telling me to go to bed, no one to wake up when I watched TV at 3AM.

oh, and also, I was hooked up to so many wires that I looked like this:


And that doesn't even count the wires on my chest, stomach and legs.

(photo taken with an illegal cell phone, but totally worth the added drama!)(even though the live feed video cameras in the room made it less than a secret...)(so I guess not that much drama after all.)

ps: why is it that doctors can tell you to do so many creepy things and it somehow seems less creepy? (I want to watch you sleep! OK. I'm going to need you to wear this breezy gown. OK. I'm going to jab needles in your arm. OK. Hmm.)

Morning Conversation... With a Chipmunk

[Time: yesterday morning]
[Setting: the middle of friggin nowhere.]
[We're camping in the Nevada mountains with my huge paternal extended family. They are very good campers. Me? not so much.]

me: [sleeping]

Kamikaze Chipmunk (KC): [hurls himself from the roof of our 10 ft. tall cabin.]

me: [scream as something that feels like a rubber ball whacks my face and wakes me up.]

my sister, Kate: [laughs]

me: [sit up, glare at Kate.] "What did you do that for?"

Kate: [innocently] "Do what?"

me: "Throw that ball or whatever at me."

Kate: "I didn't throw anything at you."

me: "What hit me in the face then?"

Kate: [shrugs]

me: [look at my pillow.]

Kamikaze Chipmunk (KC): [gives me a look as innocent as Kate's]

me: [scream]

KC: [cocks his head like humans are very amusing.]

me: [talking to chipmunk] "OMG, are you not even going to run away as I scream at you? Have you no fear of humans at ALL?"

KC: [thinks humans are very amusing indeed.]

me: "I could totally kill you, you know. You really should get off of my pillow! And for heaven's sake, develop more fear of humans!"

KC: [looks like he may be laughing at me.]

Steve: [wakes up] "What's going on?"

me: [point to chipmunk]

Steve: "OMG that's a chipmunk."

me: "Do something already!"

Steve: [tries to grab chipmunk]

KC: [casually flicks his tail out of the way]

Everyone in the WHOLE CABIN: [starts to laugh hysterically]

me: "OMG it's like a mouse but bigger."

Steve: "And with tattoos."

me: "Chipmunk, why don't you RUN AWAY?!"

KC: [looks at me like he's laughing again]

Steve: [manages to grasp tail of KC and tries to fling him out the window, but KC squirms free and stares at us from window sill.]

KC: [totally laughing at us again.]

Everyone in the WHOLE CABIN: [squealing and laughing]

me: "OMG he probably has fleas and tics and diseases and now they're all over my pillow!!"

Steve: [grasps tail again and is finally able to toss KC out of the window.]

KC: [laughs the whole way down.]

me: "I need a bath. There is too much nature all over me."

[I get up and stare at my contaminated bed.]

me: "And also, my face hurts."

[I hobble out of the cabin and spend the rest of the morning yelling at random chipmunks.]

Upon Returning from her Runway Show, Miss Provo says,

"You know what? I probably think about cannibalism a lot more than the average person."


(and, yanno, she probably does.)
(and also, that's just what she looks like when I take her picture with my phone. I'm pretty sure she wakes up like that.)
(cuz she's a MANEATER.)

Evening Conversation

Sam: "What's a solstice without soda?"

my BFF: "About as appealing as Christmas without otters."

me: [laugh]

my BFF: "Come on. It really wasn't that funny, Kerry."

me: [laugh harder]

Sam: "Hey, I really like soda."



(Sam as a baby: sneaking soda from Aunt Kathy.)

Upon Reading My Last Post

(which, indeed, I have no memory of writing)

I frantically checked my outbox.

Turns out I mostly sent boring academic stuff.

Which is kind of sad.

Because, apparently, even when drugged, I'm a total geek.

Woot.

Dear Blogosphere

I have just written three (or four? the very memory is a bit fuzzy) emails to people a full hour after I took an ambien pill.

meaning.

I might have written some very strange things.

And tomorrow I might not remember it.

And I am sorry.

And I will go to sleep now.