Lily: "I have poop."
Lily: "I want you to change it."
[we walk toward diaper changing area.]
Lily: "It's ouchy poop."
Me: "The technical term is diarrhea. This diarrhea happens to be green in hue and has a chunky consistency."
Lily: "IT'S OUCHY POOP!" [reaches to scratch bum.]
Me: "Don't touch the poop!!"
Lily: [angry stare]"IT'S OUCHY POOP!" [reaches out with other hand to touch the poop.]
Me: [yelling] "Why can't you just listen to me the FIRST time I tell you something! I'm not just being mean! Now you have FECAL MATTER all over your HANDS!!"
Lily: [starts to cry.][immediately starts rubbing eyes with poopy hands.]
Me: [yelling louder] "DON'T TOUCH YOUR EYES!! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY DON'T TOUCH YOUR EYES!!"
Lily: [angry glare] "NO!" [rubs eyes again.]
Me: [freaking out] "YOU'RE GETTING POOP IN YOUR EYES!!!"
Lily: [angry glare][rubs eyes while looking right at me]
Me: "Lily! OBEY MOMMY! She is not a meanie! She cares about your EYES!"
Lily: [angry glare] "I want Daddy."
Me: [finally get the poopy diaper out of the way so I can run her to the sink where much washing ensues.]
Lily: "You're mean. Daddy's not mean."
Lost and Found: 1969-2003 by Bill Griffith
8 hours ago